My assets...

Just inspected my ass as I was walking out the door for our "big night out" and have realised the situation is far worse than I first thought. It's dire. I could either a) invest in some of those awful spanx contraptions or b) wear 12 inch heels to elongate my legs (tricking everyone into thinking I'm a glamazon) or c) forget it all and just get drunk before I leave, solving all my problems in one foul swoop! Yes I know I'm terribly politically incorrect...so bloody sue me. Garcon? Get me 2 drinks please...oui, oui j'ai dit deux!