Tupperware Tyrade...Bonkers

Mt Mary church with convent and orphanage

The last couple of days have been a whirlwind. Why? Well...hangovers, school trips, orphans and tupperware- yes I just said tupperware I know right?

Timeline of events in last two days:


1. Drop off kids and get into gym gear- great intention of BIG workout planned
2. Full morning of very in depth emailing between France, Rajasthan and Mumbai concerning resort construction
3. Moan session with neighbour about the fact you can't buy pre made fitted sheets in India (???)
4. Quick bite to eat with hubby followed by rash decision to go find the store that I can order fitted sheets in...
5. Head off on foot "just around the corner" (as the neighbour said) to find said linen store
6. Get lost, end up on the other side of town and then in another suburb entirely but continue on stubbornly hoping to find a landmark to find my way home again
7. Pretend that I was actually just out for a walk after 2 hours of wandering the streets yes 2 fricken hours...loser
8. Start to get hot, bothered and pissed off with myself
9. Arrive home sweating, sunburn't and mad
10. Quick skype to the "QM' for a much needed rant session

Tupperware Prism range...sexier in the flesh

11. Skype over run so have to rush off to the Mt Mary orphanage still in gym gear to teach art and craft to 5 & 6 year olds
12. Wild crazy gush of love for the orphans overwhelms me
13. Head straight to my girlfriends house as forgot she had invited me to a "tupperware party"
14. Show up stinking, still in gym gear and everyone else looks flawless (of course)
15. Put in an order for HEAPS of really sexy (can you say sexy when referring to Tupperware? Ah... no) items
16. Main party leaves and a few of us relax...whilst chucking back several glasses of bubbles
17. Bonding session of epic proportions takes place after several more bottles of wine are consumed
18. End up dancing, singing, hugging, laughing, crying and smoking ciggies off the balcony
19. Wake up the next morning to discover "Shit- I'm a parent helper on a schol trip in 20 minutes"
20. Arrive late to school after missing breakfast (ouch biggest mistake ever)
21. Screaming 5 year olds, school bus and singing- make my life a misery

Hell on earth I tell you...

22. Visit some very cool places like the Hare Krishna Temple made of marble in Juhu...wow
23. After 6 more stops I begin to fade.
24. Final stop is to a penthouse apartment (to show a 360 degree view of Mumbai to the kids) spread over 3 levels with a rooftop lawn and private pool. AM CONSUMED WITH ENVY
25. Realise envy is soooo not a done thing and bitterly "fake" acceptance that the apartment will never be mine when really on the inside I am turning an acidic colour of green
26. Arrive back to school nearly ready to steal one of the 5 year olds school lunch boxes as am sooo hungry.
27. Realise I agreed to meet other expat moms for lunch at gourmet store.
28. Arrive ten minutes early and eat an entire lunch without telling the other moms
29. Casually reorder a sandwhich when they arrive pretending like that's all I had eaten.
30. Barely make it through lunch discussing supermarkets and where to go for what items...can't cope feeling like I will pass out.
30. Arrive home to crash out but noooooo...

Sadly this is NOT the image I portrayed

31. Doorbell doesn't stop ringing. Am bombarded with tradespeople fitting new curtains and electricians fiddling around
32. Suddenly realise I had invited my girlfriend over to watch some rugby the next day (Sexy All Blacks to play again) and look around apartment realising how dusty it has become.
33. Understanding of situation washes over me...Housekeeper starts work in 4 days time- meaning I am the only option.
34. Break out in nervous sweat. Strip down to under garments and attack the house. Vacuming, mopping, cleaning toilets, spraying the many glass (nightmare) tables and mirrors in the apartment.
35. In my cleaning frenzy I open a door right over the top of my toes ripping off all the skin. Scream and swear like african woman in labour (images of my darling girlfriend who had a home birth and admitted to going wild outside in the wind with her hair out and naked come to mind)
36. Darling hubby rushes to convenience store for band aids. I HEART "HRH"
37. Family go out for dinner leaving the bleeding, frenzied, starving and near naked Queenie to finish what she has started. Look of worry on "HRH"s face as he closes the door.

This was my salvation

38. I lose all sense of time and place and go into a trance as I clean like never before. Sweat drips from me.
39. This must be therapeutic right? Art therapy...music therapy...housework therapy?
40. I suddenly come to...think WTF am I doing and abandon ship. Cruise liner is docking everyone. The voyage is over.
41. Crash on the sofa with a HUGE serving of Schezuan chicken and wild rice. With "HRH" rubbing my back like I'm some wounded trauma victim. And there you have it. A mumbling Queenie is coaxed into bed and a world of happiness envelops her.

Well what do you think? Absolute madness huh? I admit it. I am seriously Bonkers...Might start a collection for the "Save Queenie from herself" fund. Big hello to the new readers from Finland, Latvia, Singapore, The Phillipines, United Arab Emirates and Saudi Arabia! But let's not forget the U.S. of A, the U.K, India, Australia and N.Z for having the most readers over the past month. Thanks so much. It is as always overwhelming.

Queenie

Soooo fashion

Hahahahaa am so laughing out loud right now. I actually got my darling hubby "HRH" to all of you- to sit and watch a rerun of "FASHION" with me last night. Can you believe it? He's so funny. Not only is "Fashion" a bit of a girly themed movie about models in Mumbai and how the industry screws them up...but it was in hindi. How funny huh? Actually it's a bit sweet of him. Sitting there and actually "getting into" the movie because he knew I was! Awwwww I'm so having a fond moment for "HRH" right now. Rare I must admit (!!!!!) it's gotta be India screwing with me ;-)
Or maybe it was the delicious watermelon martini's I had at lunch today with the girls. "Sancho's" was a fab place. Had so much fun listening into all of the gossip even if I did have NO idea who anyone was. I soon will though... Trying to decipher if the lady behind us had a real "birkin" or not was also pretty funny. But the juiciest was hearing about what a lot of the expat wives get up to with their drivers...I'm not going to get any more into it- but it's freakin naughty!!!! It was a great day full of martini's, laughter and some pretty hilarious girls. You know what? Feeling kinda happy right now. Life's pretty damn good. Let's just roll with it...

Desi girl

Was getting a pedicure today and this song was playing in the background. I actually really like it and "Desi Girl" got stuck in my head all day. Then as I sat in Saltwater cafe a little later on- humming along to this song I realised that I was sitting opposite John Abraham...what a coincidence huh? All in a day in the life of the "Queen of the suburbs!" (Of course darling...) Where else but in Bandra?
By the way for those of you who DON'T know who John Abraham is...he's the guy without facial hair. The guy WITH facial hair is Absishek Bachan (Big B's son and Aishwarya Rai's hubby) of course. And the annoyingly good looking girl that they are fighting over is none other than... Priyanka Chopra. I'm getting pretty clued up on the whole Bollywood world ya know (hehehe) and it's quite a world! Some of the stories I've heard really are worthy of a film script! (And that's what happens behind closed doors.) The biggest crack up are all the clueless looking blonde and european back up dancers... they just can't move like the stars of this clip. So hilarious!
Big hello to all John Abrahams fans in the U.S.A, Canada, Qatar and Thailand. You all know who you are ;-)

Bollywood Babe

Is it the lovely Ashwariya?

Could it be Miss Kapoor?

Okay, so I can't really say who she is- but our new apartment looks right into an A list Bollywood babe's apartment with her famous BF. She is really gorgeous in person too (DAMN IT!!!!) and had the little prince's (and HRH of course!) running around in excitement flicking through the movie channels trying to find one of her movies! It didn't take long. I guarantee you only need wait 5 minutes on ANY T.V channel in India to see her lovely face. Although I must say the word on the street is that she can be a right cow... who know's if it's just the green eyed monster stirring in the gossip mongers.? I'm assuming as much. Admittedly it was much to my dismay to discover how slim she was- too bloody slim for my liking. I better get onto starting up with the yoga. I look more like I could have swallowed this starlet whole these days...exaggerated sigh. Bloody f*@# ing cheese naans. I don't ever want to see another one. EVER. One cheese naan probably equates to an hour on the treadmill. Bugger that.

Is it the gorgeous Priyanka?

Maybe Katrina Kaif?

I'm off to sulk about all this depressing news. Might just grab a chocolate truffle out of the fridge to console myself. (They're only little-before you bloody ask!)
My condolences to anyone harmed in the Karachi bombing today in Pakistan. And thank you to all the new supporters. Glad to hear you're all enjoying these posts.

 Queenie

Hookah hijinks

"Address HOME"

Our first weekend in the new apartment! So of course we had to christen the place with dinner and drinks on the friday night. Had been dying to throw back a glass or two of champers- so without another thought I sent a few text messages and had a group of good friends all lined up to celebrate. The apartment was sooo not up to scratch and looked pretty sad. So I decided to stop into "Address HOME" and "Good Earth" and pick up some pieces to help spruce things up a little. I bought a footstool, some cushions and some buddha statues for the balcony from Address HOME. The owner was really nice and helped send me in the right direction for fresh flowers in Bandra. At Good Earth I bought a gorgeous tea set, candles, silver trays and oil burners with heavenly sandalwood and gardenia oils to burn. Both stores are really fantastic and I was pretty pleased to finally put our stamp on the apartment.

"Good Earth"

The nicest thing was filling the apartment with fresh white lillies, roses and orchids for our dinner party. I instantly felt better surrounded by all the flowers and everyone commented on how lovely everything looked. Our friends brought beautiful french white wine and champagne and the sound system finally got working so it was a fun night. Luckily we invited the neighbours so no worries about the noise either- thank God! Some of the other neighbours bought down their hookah pipe...most divine porcelain piece they had bought in Istanbul. That proved a bit of a novelty to all the expats who coughed and spluttered around the place...it was a good laugh if not anything else! Utter madness I tell you.

Hookah pipe madness with the neighbours

The apartment really did look stunning with candles flickering everywhere and fresh flowers in every room. The balcony still needs some potted palms and plants to give it that lush/ tropical feel and an outdoor lounge set- but you can't have everything all at once. Just need to take time to work out how we can best make use of our space. Might start looking around for a garden store next week. Our unofficial christening of the apartment was a really low key- fun night and I know the first of many evenings we'll have out on our lovely balcony. Who ever you are up there looking down us...thanks a bunch. Definetly feeling pretty blessed right now. (What's with all the religious talk Queenie? I'm scaring myself...and probably half of you out there!)

So tomorrow brings a new week and with it a few things I'm looking forward to:

1. First yoga class at "The Yoga House"

Rugby just got a whole lot more interesting

2. Dinner out with "the girls"... Aaah yes haven't filled you in on "the girls" yet have I? HILARIOUS
3. Business cards for our Indian company arrive
4. More rugby world cup games and especially another All Blacks match with all those scantily clad kiwi hotties...ooh la la
5. Trip to garden store planned to buy some potted palms, orchids etc.
6. An afternoon booked at the day spa for facial, pedicure and manicure...quite an experience in India could write a whole page about it.
7. The final episode of "The Voice"...am quite addicted

I got a date with with the devil tomorrow

8. Chance to get a fresh start at the gym and try loose those 5/6kgs of extra "bagages francais" (bloody fromage!!!)
9. Lunch at Bungalow 9 with a friend who runs a charity organisation to get myself involved

Well that's it for me...a big warm welcome to all the new readers from Ireland (Congrats on the rugby!) Bulgaria, Mauritius, Russia and Kazakhstan (Yes really!) and thanks to the new members Amanda, Izdiher and Athena especially! Good stuff everyone. Can't believe we're nearly at 5000 reads a week. Woohoo who would have thought?


Queenie