Tupperware Tyrade...Bonkers

Mt Mary church with convent and orphanage

The last couple of days have been a whirlwind. Why? Well...hangovers, school trips, orphans and tupperware- yes I just said tupperware I know right?

Timeline of events in last two days:


1. Drop off kids and get into gym gear- great intention of BIG workout planned
2. Full morning of very in depth emailing between France, Rajasthan and Mumbai concerning resort construction
3. Moan session with neighbour about the fact you can't buy pre made fitted sheets in India (???)
4. Quick bite to eat with hubby followed by rash decision to go find the store that I can order fitted sheets in...
5. Head off on foot "just around the corner" (as the neighbour said) to find said linen store
6. Get lost, end up on the other side of town and then in another suburb entirely but continue on stubbornly hoping to find a landmark to find my way home again
7. Pretend that I was actually just out for a walk after 2 hours of wandering the streets yes 2 fricken hours...loser
8. Start to get hot, bothered and pissed off with myself
9. Arrive home sweating, sunburn't and mad
10. Quick skype to the "QM' for a much needed rant session

Tupperware Prism range...sexier in the flesh

11. Skype over run so have to rush off to the Mt Mary orphanage still in gym gear to teach art and craft to 5 & 6 year olds
12. Wild crazy gush of love for the orphans overwhelms me
13. Head straight to my girlfriends house as forgot she had invited me to a "tupperware party"
14. Show up stinking, still in gym gear and everyone else looks flawless (of course)
15. Put in an order for HEAPS of really sexy (can you say sexy when referring to Tupperware? Ah... no) items
16. Main party leaves and a few of us relax...whilst chucking back several glasses of bubbles
17. Bonding session of epic proportions takes place after several more bottles of wine are consumed
18. End up dancing, singing, hugging, laughing, crying and smoking ciggies off the balcony
19. Wake up the next morning to discover "Shit- I'm a parent helper on a schol trip in 20 minutes"
20. Arrive late to school after missing breakfast (ouch biggest mistake ever)
21. Screaming 5 year olds, school bus and singing- make my life a misery

Hell on earth I tell you...

22. Visit some very cool places like the Hare Krishna Temple made of marble in Juhu...wow
23. After 6 more stops I begin to fade.
24. Final stop is to a penthouse apartment (to show a 360 degree view of Mumbai to the kids) spread over 3 levels with a rooftop lawn and private pool. AM CONSUMED WITH ENVY
25. Realise envy is soooo not a done thing and bitterly "fake" acceptance that the apartment will never be mine when really on the inside I am turning an acidic colour of green
26. Arrive back to school nearly ready to steal one of the 5 year olds school lunch boxes as am sooo hungry.
27. Realise I agreed to meet other expat moms for lunch at gourmet store.
28. Arrive ten minutes early and eat an entire lunch without telling the other moms
29. Casually reorder a sandwhich when they arrive pretending like that's all I had eaten.
30. Barely make it through lunch discussing supermarkets and where to go for what items...can't cope feeling like I will pass out.
30. Arrive home to crash out but noooooo...

Sadly this is NOT the image I portrayed

31. Doorbell doesn't stop ringing. Am bombarded with tradespeople fitting new curtains and electricians fiddling around
32. Suddenly realise I had invited my girlfriend over to watch some rugby the next day (Sexy All Blacks to play again) and look around apartment realising how dusty it has become.
33. Understanding of situation washes over me...Housekeeper starts work in 4 days time- meaning I am the only option.
34. Break out in nervous sweat. Strip down to under garments and attack the house. Vacuming, mopping, cleaning toilets, spraying the many glass (nightmare) tables and mirrors in the apartment.
35. In my cleaning frenzy I open a door right over the top of my toes ripping off all the skin. Scream and swear like african woman in labour (images of my darling girlfriend who had a home birth and admitted to going wild outside in the wind with her hair out and naked come to mind)
36. Darling hubby rushes to convenience store for band aids. I HEART "HRH"
37. Family go out for dinner leaving the bleeding, frenzied, starving and near naked Queenie to finish what she has started. Look of worry on "HRH"s face as he closes the door.

This was my salvation

38. I lose all sense of time and place and go into a trance as I clean like never before. Sweat drips from me.
39. This must be therapeutic right? Art therapy...music therapy...housework therapy?
40. I suddenly come to...think WTF am I doing and abandon ship. Cruise liner is docking everyone. The voyage is over.
41. Crash on the sofa with a HUGE serving of Schezuan chicken and wild rice. With "HRH" rubbing my back like I'm some wounded trauma victim. And there you have it. A mumbling Queenie is coaxed into bed and a world of happiness envelops her.

Well what do you think? Absolute madness huh? I admit it. I am seriously Bonkers...Might start a collection for the "Save Queenie from herself" fund. Big hello to the new readers from Finland, Latvia, Singapore, The Phillipines, United Arab Emirates and Saudi Arabia! But let's not forget the U.S. of A, the U.K, India, Australia and N.Z for having the most readers over the past month. Thanks so much. It is as always overwhelming.

Queenie