Tu Hai Meri Fantasy

I need a double shot right NOW

So "HRH" made the faux pas of going to the hairdressers without moi yesterday. Big mistake (like as in when Julia Roberts used this line in Pretty Woman) big mistake! I arrived home to find our bathroom door locked and our housekeeper extremely concerned about "sir". I knocked on the door gently and using my most soothing voice I asked what was wrong with HRH. No response. After a good ten minutes "HRH" finally coughed up the truth. He had made an attempt at colouring his hair at the hairdressers today....my heart began to pound rather fast. "What the hell do you mean?" I asked- adding "darling" in at the end for good measure. "Your hair looked fab as it was love!" I cooed nervously. "We don't call you the silver fox for nothing!" There was a hint of desperation by now. "C'mon now, no more joking around you know we have a big dinner with friends tonight- show yourself buddy." Slowly the door handle turned and HRH came out meekly...I gasped in horror. Oh no. "What the f#*k!"

Trust me you don't want to wake up next to him!

The man that stood before me was not my husband. At least I hoped he wasn't. Oh god I needed a drink. I called out to our housekeeper to make an emergency G&T and pronto. And I ushered the "thing" that stood before me back into the bathroom. Poor HRH had a head of red hair. I'm not kidding you- I mean ginger red. That awful colour that some Indian men go when they have applied henna to their hair and the sun exposure turns it a red/ginger (near Ronald bloody McDonald) colour. Freaking hell. We couldn't go out to dinner with everyone that night to "THE TABLE" in south Mumbai with HRH looking like that. He would clash with his prada shirt I'd just bought him! Fashion faux pas number 1. Don't channel Ronald McDonald EVER!
Apparently he had gone down to "Toni & Guy" Bandra and thought he would take his senior hairstylist's (my bloody arse) opinion. What a friggin disaster. "Call the driver darling you're heading back to Toni & Guy."
As I headed off to pick the kids up from school and the radio blared "Oh La La- Tu Hai Meri Fantasy" I prayed that HRH would come to his senses and correct the horrific hair colour situation. What was he doing colouring it anyway? I had always told him the silver fox look was a winner. Was he having an affair? They say men go and do silly things like this when they have a new lover...No of course not. What was I bloody thinking?
When I got back from school I paced around waiting for HRH's return. Finally the key turned in the lock and he was back. OH MY GOD! His hair was worse. He had gone jet black. NOOOOOOOOO! Why? Why would he do this to me? To us?
I nearly fainted. HRH has had silver hair for so long that it was like Richard Gere walking in with jet black hair if you get my drift...it was shocking. It was awful. What would the regrowth look like? Calling it a disaster would have been a euphemism if ever I heard one. Okay. Breathe. It's nearly christmas. You love your husband. (Son of a b#*ch- how could he do this before our pre xmas dinner with friends?) And he was smiling. He twirled himself around and said "Taadaa... all fixed darling!" I could have wrung his little neck...
By the look on my face he new things were FAR from fixed. I told him to take a look in the mirror. That he looked a little different and our friends and family would be shocked. (To say the least.) Aaree yaar. At this point I didn't think even his own kids would recognise him anymore!

That crack was a BIG MISTAKE...big mistake.

Finally he realised that even though our driver had given him the thumbs up of approval it wasn't the best gage. Reality hit. And hard. "Oh my god I can't go out like this can I ?" He cried. I shook my head sadly and that was when he knew he would never be going to Toni and Guy's again- or would ever think of colouring his hair ever again. I told him that I even thought he may have been having an affair when he came home with red hair. Poor HRH was so upset. He cancelled dinner with our friends and whisked me off for a romantic dinner for two at Olive in Pali Hill. It was a great night even if I did feel like I was dining with Richard Gere on crack...LOL. His heart is in the right place. I'll just have to get used to it for a while. I know what will be top of his christmas list now....A BLOODY HAT!
And with that I must fly. The tiddly winks are on holiday already so I should probably organise a play date or two. It's christmas week and now I'm in search of a good hat shop. I know a fabulous one in Portofino but Mumbai? Hmmmm. May have to google it. HRH is in desperate need.
Thanks for reading everyone and stay tuned for more hijinks. The QM arrives on wednesday and have managed to pin down KCM. He's flying in from Bangkok. Lord knows what he's been up to.
Queenie xxx