Bitch? Who me?

Dubai...an unexpected yes in my books!

Ahhh and a very good morning to you all! It's been a while since we've spoken I know...I know. Have been in Dubai for Spring break/ Easter hols. Had a fabulous time at the Atlantis on the palm with the two little princes. Swimming with dolphins, thrashing around a god forsaken waterpark ( D&G wedges weren't the most practical- but was I going to wear flip flops? Ahhh no I think not!) and admiring many little nemo's at the aquarium. I played the role of doting mum very well indeed- so as soon as I could ditch the male members of my family (Oh dear that means everyone except me!) I made no excuses in high tailing it to every mall in Dubai. Ok I lie...not EVERY mall. Because I don't think even I could have claimed that feat. Who knows how many there are out there withstanding the desert storms of Dubai? I suspect another one has probably popped up in the time it's taken me to write this latest edition! And I'll admit to this. I definetly didn't wear any stiletto's. DO NOT attempt to wear any sky high's on a shopping spree in Dubai. You could go on and on and ON. I mean 7 hours of non stop walking is better than any cross fit workout (or whatever they call that fandangled thing!) in my opinion. She says sipping her morning coffee instead of doing hot yoga or a gym work out. Sigh.
I hit BCBG, Topshop, Ted Baker for  HRH, Marc Jacobs pour moi- bien sur and my new cheap and cheerful favourite- River Island. LOVE their kids range- for seriously cool mini hipsters I suggest checking this place out. Prince M fared pretty well out of that stop off. A new fedora, some ethnic wristbands, and some funky tangerine and red fitted cut offs. Stylee!
I'm loving my new python, peach and black wedges- colour blocking at it's best! Fashion has definetly taken a fun, warm and pleasantly easy stride in the right direction for us Bombaiites! Thank god the wedge has survived the change of season as life is a little easier negotiating all Mumbai has to offer us- roadside ;-)
Now where was I? Dubai yes. Fabulous time with the family, my credit card and my bottle of champagne of course... A very big thank you to my darling friend for hosting us for the evening in the executive lounge at the Jumeirah Beach Hotel. The view was sublime, pizza was calorific bliss and the champagne just topped it all off. Dubai gets a very unexpected 8 out of 10 for all round easy family holiday location. A big Queenie thumbs up!

These puppies are perfect for all day teetering ;-)

Speaking of Queenies we bumped into another notorious Queenie on the plane ride over to Dubai and back. Queenie Singh- or is it Dhody? I never know these days and I doubt she remembers anymore? Not with the amount of botox floating around in the atmosphere;-) Queenie S was on her own on the flight over kitted out in her obligatory Hermes belt and matching 15k tan handbag (hmmmmm), her true religion jeans, LV carry on luggage, oversized (possibly illegal) diamond and very boring yawn worthy beige cardigan. But the worst offender was the footwear. She had cream heeled sneakers on!!!! With that much money surely it would buy her some common sense and remind her that the only people healed sneakers look good on are 12 year old singing and dancing Japanese twins! Oh dear Queenie.

Queenie Singh or Dhody?

On the flight back she was accompanied by her very adorable daughter Tiara (yes that's her real name everyone...) maybe she swapped shoes with mom? The cream heeled sneakers would have matched Tiara's Minnie mouse shredded tee just perfectly! But the bizarre twist was that she was also with Raja Dhody her ex. Or so we thought? Raja was very dapper indeed dressed impeccably from head to toe- whilst Queenie wore the exact same outfit as on arrival. Even down to the heeled sneakers! Perhaps the divorce didn't prove as profitable as we all thought? Hmmmmm. I'm not surprised her attempts to host a party for Perez Hilton failed. I mean please. Anyhoo with that bitchy rant I must fly. Oh c'mon we all do it- every now and then ;-)
Air kisses flying atcha. Off to unpack another box or two in the new apartment!
Talk soon. Q x

Schmoozing

Out and about with the Queen

Well on wednesday night I had a few events to hang out with and rub shoulders with the who's who of Mumbai. As you do of course.
I attended the UTV Walk of Stars party at Olive which was packed with every B grade beauty in town. The paparazzi were out in fine fashion- to be honest it was very difficult to escape them. Once again I teetered around in my sky high Gucci wedges and those bloody pesky white pebbles in the outdoor patio became the bane of my existence! Olive why do you have those pebbles out there? When you know us Indian (or at least half) girls aren't Amazonian giants so we need our stiletto's at all times. It's just cruelty to have to slap on a forced smile and look casual and relaxed on the way to the loo when you're terrified of losing balance and wetting yourself in public! C'mon let's find a stiletto friendly solution darlings...

Annoyingly attractive ladies at Olive

Who was there? Well the usual suspects of course- once again I was reminded that Indian girls are a force not to be reckoned with. Their beauty is just mesmerizing at times. And they really take thin to the next level. I doubt a cheese naan has ever touched those bee stung lips.
After smoking far too many ciggies and slugging back even too many more cocktails- we high tailed it to Shiro bar (Lower Parel) for Arjun Rampals wedding anniversary that he and Rohit Bal appeared to be hosting. Of course not before a very classy like roadside toilet stop for the Queen- no fair those Mojito's caught up on me. On arrival we had to wrangle once again with the paparazzi who were even more aggressive and vocal on the way in. The place was pumping and oozing with diamonds, ego's the size of their Bentley's and of course (grumble grumble) more beautiful people. Rohit Bal was wearing a red velour blazer with his signature locks freshly dyed and by the time we arrived he definetly looked carefree- shall we say? The booth tables were filled with popcorn...don't ask me why? But definetly proved useful as a prop for stars photoshoots with the lucky paparazzi that were allowed inside. The music was good. I spent most of my time upstairs at the mezzanine level desperately gasping for air. Smoking was allowed downstairs- of course the stars and who's who didnt want to whip outside and get snapped fagging it up for tomorow's tabloids. Smoking is unhealthy. No seriously. It's also not the best thing when you wake up sounding like a male cross dresser the next day like moi. But luckily HRH loves me including all my flaws.

Shiro Bar Wednesday night

Anyhoo I'm moving house today. Thank bloody god. The house of horrors can be kissed goodbye. Life is good. Our feline friends look a little confused at all the boxes but the new place will have ample room for their sleeping and eating routine. What a life! I suppose I will be much the same when I get to their age. Poor darlings. Oh there's the doorbell so looks like we are off to our new abode. Have no fear the queen of the suburbs hasn't left the neighbourhood- nobody is taking that crown without a fight. And with a voice like mine you wouldn't want to meet me in a back alley any time soon :-)
Ciao darlings. Queenie x

Latest and GREATEST

Hello darlings pour yourself a vino and join in...

Namaskar my darlings,
The Queen is gracing you all with her presence...if not ever so briefly (I admit that I'm getting a little diva like these days!) as things are just busy busy busy.
I had a wonderful weekend hanging out with the PM (gorgeous french friend who is our project manager now in Rajasthan) and some other girlfriends at AER bar, Amadeus and lets not forget shaking my booty at Bonobo on Saturday in Bandra- there were some seriously cool drum and bass beats playing. If any of you have heard of Alix Perez well it was all thanks to him...Ten points to Bonobo for hosting him and to Bay Beat Collective (BBM) for also playing at the gig!
So how about Bebo's (Kareena Kapoor) presence atm huh? I mean last week in the Bollywood song top 10 list she was the lead female actress in the two films in the top 3. Ek main aur ekk tu and Agent Vinod- both movies with songs in the top ratings. I'm not a big fan of Saif's "Pyaar ke Pungi" song but have to admit that the title song from "Ek main aur ekk tu" is annoyingly catchy. I find myself bopping along when I least expect it...Grrrrr. Which reminds me now we're on this topic...what about all the buzz around Bebo's steamy love scene in Heroine with Arjun Rampal? Well I say lucky lady for starters- he's a bit of a lush. Apparently they had to have a closed door policy on set for this scene...now that's just teasing. We'll all have to go along and see the movie now right?
Ya know Bollywood moves so quick that just when you get comfortable with all the latest hits they go and change on you before you've even had time to finish your strawberry margerita! Thats just no fair!
Trust me HRH clearly sticks right out of it all. He has no chance of keeping up with the play- just when he's managed to translate the first line from a song it's no longer in the charts. That's even more unfair.
What have I been up to? Well on thursday I hit Good Earth and nearly cleared the place out during their amazing 50 % off bi-annual sale. Hey no finger pointing- I have a new apartment to deck out so I am completely off the hook. Innocent of all female indulgency claims. Everything I bought was an absolute essential...I swear ;-) I mean of course I needed the electric blue tiger coffee mugs???!!!!
I had the most divine breakfast at Cafe Zoe. A wonderful place tucked away in the Mathuradas Mill compound in Lower Parel. I honestly felt like I was back in Sydney somewhere. If any of you want to escape the madness of Palladium mall- then whip round the corner for a blissful coffee and waffles at Cafe Zoe and I hear they are also quite fab as a bar in the wee hours too. Not bad I say.

Looks like someone brought up their lifesavers too!

While I'm at it I just finished having a vino in the Tusk bar at the new Sofitel hotel in Bandra Kurla Complex. What a dissapointment. The bar is bang smack in the middle of a restaurant which is the last thing you want when you've had one too many vino's and start to cry on your BF's shoulder. I mean please? Discreet factor 0. As for the interior design well what can I say? They dare to call the interiors french? The place looks like a local has eaten a croissant and then brought it back up all over the floor...that's as french as it gets in my opinion. Yuck. It is so dated. I think it would have looked dated back in the 70's... it's just all wrong. And yes darlings there is such a thing as TOO much mis- matched pattern.
Well with that way too long rant- I must be off my friends. Prince M and Lil G are up very late watching Transformers. I have to admit to actually enjoying the movie too. Megan Fox is pretty hot stuff. Totally mis cast against Shia La Boeuf he looks like her nerdy younger cousin. But hey the C.G.I work is brilliant.
Ciao for now. My chardonnay is getting warm. (Just like Mumbai!)

Queenie the great xxx

Agent Vinod....Really????

Victoria by VB Spring 2012- cute?

Ahhh thank god for that. The day is finally at it's end (and the weekend for that matter) and I can plant my rotund "derriere" on the couch, put my feet up and pour myself a well deserved chardonnay.


Things on my mind at the moment:


1. IBAR in Bandra (near Candie's Lilvati) is hosting open mic nights on monday evenings with cheap drinks. I think their next set is tomorrow night. I might give it a whirl...should be a good laugh ;-)

2. Kitsch (Kala Ghoda near Rhythm House) are now stocking Victoria Beckham, Rag and Bone (!!!!!) and Marchesa in their stores. Ok, ok I know net-a-porter can offer better prices but....There's nothing like being able to try on your new Stella McCartney dress and handle your new Celine handbag before you actually buy.

3. Miu Miu have come out with their latest capsule handbag collection called "Madras" in white, turquoise (fave!!!) and pink and of course all have the iconic Miu Miu clasp. Who knows how many pretty pennies a turquoise Madras will set me back?!

I want, I want. I WANT!

4. Mumbai is getting way too hot for my liking. Can someone up there take a chill pill on the heat factor? It's so hot that I can't spend more than 5 minutes in direct sunlight which is why I now seem to be glowing with my whiteness. All my friends from down under are shocked at my pale complexion. Great so now I'm old, chubby and white.

5. I really want to get my grubby little mitts on a bottle of Kerastase Elixir K Ultime. Now that I'm no longer a spring chicken and with all the heat and dust in Mumbai my hair looks like a used straw broom. Elixir Ultime is a first of it's kind hair beautifying oil combining the benefit of 4 different precious oils. And I'm going to need as many as I can get.

Dev Patel is soooo cute!

6. I can't wait to see John Madden's (Shakespeare in Love) new film The best exotic Marigold Hotel with Dev Patel playing the lead character Sonny. Dev Patel's character plays the manager of  a run down hotel in Jaipur and a group of English pensioners come to stay and end up learning a few life lessons on the way. Dame Judi Dench and Maggie Smith are also in the movie and I know it will be fantastic. We spend a lot of time in Rajasthan so it'll be nice to see it on the big screen...considering we are building our own hotel. (Here's hoping it doesn't end up a run down old shack!)

7. Really looking forward to trying Cafe by the beach's (Chowpatty) new updated breakfast menu. They open earlier than most cafes in Mumbai so will be perfect for before the gym or even after-and I hear they have a footspa with an ocean view. Sounds tempting. I'm in.

8. Agent Vinod. What's the deal? I know it's releasing March 23rd and the title song "Steal the night" is a rip off  of Boney M's hit song "Rasputin". I just don't know what it is- but I have gone pretty cold on the power house couple. Kareena and Saif. Sigh. I mean Saif produced the film with his Illuminati films company and cast himself and Kareena in the lead roles. Is that a little repugnant or is it just me? It's a spy film so will probably be pretty violent- I guess the lead has had a bit of practice as of late ;-)

9. Diet seems to be off. Have to get back on the wagon again though. I HAVE to hit the gym or will be left with the only option remaining- liposuction. What? I've heard it works. Well that's what some of the other expat wives seem to be indulging in...as they say. Living in Mumbai has it's benefits- right?

Well that's it darlings. I've polished off another bottle on my own (god damnit!) again...doh. And my eyelids are getting a little heavy. HRH is waiting for me in bed so I guess it's toodaloo folks. And don't get excited...he's just waiting for me to turn the light off for him. We are FAR more of morning folk in this house ;-)

Bonne nuit mes chers
Queenie la Reine

Back in town!

I'm back and as bad as ever...

Bonjour my darlings! Yes I am alive. Although I doubt you would believe it after nearly 3 weeks of silence. Shocking I know. But alas, I am still here gasping wildly for breathe. I have been very sick since France, have had HRH away working on the resort (which reminds me I need to discuss something with the team about the yoga space) and have been busy, busy. No excuses I know. I suppose I have just had some time out. Part punishment- part time break.
Where the hell to start? Life is good. Kids are great. Hubby has about a thousand projects on the go at once but is all good (when I see him) and I am- well I'm brilliant.
Having survived a bloody chest infection (just) after France I've been pretty HECTIC here with life in Mumbai. It's been freakishly hot at the moment with temperatures well into the late 30's. I've been getting stuck into the gym -a true punishment for all the cheese and wine consumed in gay Paree. And have been extrememly well behaved (for a diva like queen) when socialising. I have to admit that the pay off hasn't been off the charts. I still have a hang belly (bloody butter roti's to blame!) and my ass has the best view of the floor this side of China. What do I have to show for it all? A rumbling belly and aching thighs...sod it.
It's time for a ladies lunch. And I can feel a watermelon martini coming on. (Have to keep it healthy of course!)

Is SRK bad for business?

Whats the gossip? Well one of my neighbours (who will remain a mystery) was involved in a very public scandal lately. It appears he physically assaulted an older expat gentleman at a hotel restaurant. The paparazzi were after him like vultures for a week. It made my own discreet comings and goings rather difficult with TV cameras everywhere. What a nuisance. Those journalists are such pariahs. Ugh. Here's hoping this won't damage his career or his A list girfriends.
Although having said that SRK seems to be going fine after his similar incident at Aurus bar in Juhu. And  Aurus doesn't seem to be faring too well out of it. I hear the local residents are complaining and it may be shut down. Well I guess they have his highness Shah Rukh Khan to thank for that one.
About 2 days ago-I myself was involved in a celebrity run in- when I told off her highness (well relative foreign import newcomer) Amy Jackson and partner (yes they are together) Prateik at "Eat around the Corner" in Bandra. Anyone who lives in India knows what the status of queuing is here. It's NON  EXISTENT. So I was rather shocked when the skeletal Miss Amy attempted the same. She should know better and I told her so. Who cares if you think you're royalty as the latest lip syncing, carb deprived, highly sexxed up bollywood diva... you queue like the rest of us. I mean I'm also royalty...(of some kind) and I queue so you can bloody jump in line madam!

Get in line...and eat a steak love!

What else? Ohhhh yes. I'm moving into my brand new sexy apartment in less than a fortnight and this new one will be fabulous. Details on the house warming to come. The invite list will be very select. Discretion being the key word in play. Paparazzo pariahs will NOT be welcome.
Have eaten twice at a new restaurant called Cafe Mangiamo at the Turned Road/ SV Road/Linking Road intersection. Fabulous strawberry daiquiri's and a great starters menu. Check it out.
Am also dying to see Kahaani the new Vidya Balan film. I've heard pretty good things so am really looking forward to it. Although I doubt the chances are high of dragging HRH along. Vidya has now moved up into my fave 3 actress' ranking in Bollywood joining Piggy Chops and Anushka Sharma. Although Sonam Kapoor definetly wins the styliest star award in Queenie's books. She got to wear 60 Dior dresses for her film "Aisha"- lucky girl I say. 10 points to the stylist!
Right I'm off to gym (a new healthier- hopefully skinnier Queenie awaits) and then will destroy all the hard work with a girls lunch out. Then on saturday HRH and I have a St Patricks day party to attend. Will have to get a bit loose with my costume I feel. Poison Ivy? Hmmmmm.
Thanks for reading. I am back for good now. And we have so many things coming up- I'm sure it'll make for interesting reading my friends. Stay tuned.
Queenie the Diva. X

A neon coloured rainbow?

Citizens of humanity spring 2012

Okay so even though it's currently 35 degrees up here in Mumbai I still am completely obsessed with coloured jeans right now. There are 3 colours I want (but definetly don't need) tangerine, hot pink and sunflower yellow. I really think the vibrant colours suit our climate here in India and I'm far more into going bright up here. My main concern is working out where to get these jeans in India? I mean Ksubi is probably relatively unknown here. But I have been buying Ksubi jeans in Sydney since when they called themselves Tsubi Jeans with a T... The Rich and Skinny and Citizens of Humanity jeans I will easily get in Paris when I'm there again. Why didn't I get any 10 days ago when I was freezing my butt off in France? Oh don't ask. I didn't even remember to get any jars of foie gras- yes I failed miserably. And a girlfriend had specially asked for some. Failure. Foie gras is certainly not very p.c these days but it's still a go in France so end of topic. HRH and I still indulge in the velvet smooth deliciousness. Anyhow I'm off to search Mumbai boutiques for a pair of these jeans. I know Zara and Mango will have these for sure but I am definetly picky with my jeans. If I do find a pair of these said desired denims then I will probably jump for joy and order a cocktail. Woohoo, I'm going to get me some rainbow jeans to go with my neon yellow cardigan and hot pink silk shirt...Ok I won't wear them all at once. Get a grip you lot. I doubt the other mother's at school would take

Rich and Skinny spring 2012

me very seriously dressed like that now would they?! Ohhh now which colour first? Watermelon pink sounds nice and refreshing for this heat! The jeans will work well against the freezing hotel lobby's that are always over cooled in these parts.Trust me it's like walking out of the frying pan into the icebox.Well that's it for me tonight. I've prattled on enough for my liking. Just except to say that I'm getting very excited about our new apartment which should be finished in about 6 weeks. I popped over today to check on progress and was over the moon when I saw all the furniture they had custom made for us and the bathrooms and kitchen have all already been tiled. These 6 weeks won't be able to pass quick enough for us. This new apartment is nearly double in size than the one we are in now. Which we have dubbed the house of horrors. Anything you can imagine happening has...jack hammers in the kitchen, rats (ohhhh yes but we've handled that situation thank god!) and even exploding shower doors that cut HRH to shreds. Oh yeah it's been a joy. And let's not talk about our rude and extremely obese landlord. Hmmmm. Yes so now you get my point about how excited we are about the new apartment. Roll on April 1st. And on that positive note I must fly.

My fave Ksubi jeans from Sydney

Talk soon friends.
Queenie xxx

Sex Sex Sex

Might have bubbles since we're celebrating 20,000 reads!

Okay well now that I have all of your attention and we've deciphered that not alot of the aforementioned above is happening for this husbandless Queen... no not a divorce! HRH is just off working on the finalised drawings with the architect in Rajasthan so sex texts are as raunchy as it gets for moi at the mo.
Anyhoo I digress. What I really wanted to say was THANK YOU! I can't believe how many reads we are now up to and it's only tuesday! As of right at this moment we are at 19,799 and I am sure that by the time I wake up tomorrow we would have broken the 20,000 record! Can you believe it? Well I sure as hell can't. I am always blown away to see how many of you actually read this thing...and it's bloody incredible. Thank you all so much for the interest and support. So many of you from the States, Canada, India, the U.K, Germany, Norway, Thailand, Dubai, Malaysia, Australia and even New Zealand. I can't wait to tell HRH the news...and let's try to hit a new goal. 50,000 I wonder how long it will take us to get those kinds of numbers? Who knows....
Right well I'm off for a snooze and all going well will attempt some yoga after an extremely long time. Ohh and forgot to say that I am going to go and buy a proper sari now that it's sale season. That should be a laugh. I will keep you all posted.
Stay tuned.
Queenie xxx

The Bollywood Effect

I'll have a spicey mojito thanks...

Piggy Chops performing a sexy number

Greetings my friends, I write to you this evening sitting on the sofa whilst watching the 57th Filmfare awards on the small screen. Bebo (Kareena Kapoor) is currently flying around the stage like something off a Cirque du soleil show and SRK (Shah Rukh Khan- India's Tom Cruise equivalent) is dressed in drag as he hands out awards. Just another day at the office for our favourite Bollywood royalty folks. The hilarious part is that it actually seems to be doing the trick for this Queen. Yes me. I am totally buying into the whole event. WTF??? I know all the songs, all the movies, all the nominated actors and even the music directors. I even know all the behind the scenes drama and gossip. Like who is rumored to be having an affair with who, who's sister is who (and there's a bloody few!!!) and who doesn't like each other in the industry. Yup I am neck deep in it. I decided to join the movement rather than fight it. And it has surprisingly enough been quite fun. I love the songs, and stars and movies. I know...I know. It's Bollywood. But...I think it's too late for me now. I've been lost to the other side. There's no coming back from this one.
While I was away in France I had an inkling that something wasn't right.Yes I actually suffered from reverse culture shock. I missed India like a baby misses it's thumb. I was bereft without the colour, bling, over the top dance moves and even missed the Mumbai traffic. Don't ask what has happened to me it's the India effect.Once I realised what was happening to me when I was away in France it all made sense and I just gave in and accepted that I was homesick for India.

Karisma, SRK, Bebo, Vidya, Rekha and Ranbir Kapoor dance

You know I think it's important to partake in the traditions and pop cultural trends and be aware of current events when you try to move to a new country. How else can you have anything to relate to with locals. I'm telling you that knowing the words to the latest Bollywood hits have come in very handy and definetly won me brownie points. I have definetly popped the expat bubble that I arrived with six months ago. And it feels bloody good. I feel changed. Affected by my last six months of life here in the mother land. I suppose you have to want that...otherwise you could just as easily maintain your thoughts, tastes and opinions of afar and live here perfectly well. There's no right or wrong either. I suspect I have just allowed myself to evolve (possibly even been excited by it!) and let it take me wherever it leads.

My fave Vidya winning best actress for "The Dirty Picture"

Well I'm off now. The ad break (which lasts an entire 8 minutes in India) is nearly over and I don't want to miss any of the awards show. I am suspecting Vidya Balan will clean up again for "The Dirty Picture"...here's hoping. Plus I've poured myself a chardonnay. Priorities darlings ;-)
Thanks for your continued interest. I've been out cold for several days with the flu- post france etc. Hence the  lack of updates but I really thought I would spare you the gory details of all that nasty business.
Talk soon. Queenie xxx