Tupperware Tyrade...Bonkers

Mt Mary church with convent and orphanage

The last couple of days have been a whirlwind. Why? Well...hangovers, school trips, orphans and tupperware- yes I just said tupperware I know right?

Timeline of events in last two days:


1. Drop off kids and get into gym gear- great intention of BIG workout planned
2. Full morning of very in depth emailing between France, Rajasthan and Mumbai concerning resort construction
3. Moan session with neighbour about the fact you can't buy pre made fitted sheets in India (???)
4. Quick bite to eat with hubby followed by rash decision to go find the store that I can order fitted sheets in...
5. Head off on foot "just around the corner" (as the neighbour said) to find said linen store
6. Get lost, end up on the other side of town and then in another suburb entirely but continue on stubbornly hoping to find a landmark to find my way home again
7. Pretend that I was actually just out for a walk after 2 hours of wandering the streets yes 2 fricken hours...loser
8. Start to get hot, bothered and pissed off with myself
9. Arrive home sweating, sunburn't and mad
10. Quick skype to the "QM' for a much needed rant session

Tupperware Prism range...sexier in the flesh

11. Skype over run so have to rush off to the Mt Mary orphanage still in gym gear to teach art and craft to 5 & 6 year olds
12. Wild crazy gush of love for the orphans overwhelms me
13. Head straight to my girlfriends house as forgot she had invited me to a "tupperware party"
14. Show up stinking, still in gym gear and everyone else looks flawless (of course)
15. Put in an order for HEAPS of really sexy (can you say sexy when referring to Tupperware? Ah... no) items
16. Main party leaves and a few of us relax...whilst chucking back several glasses of bubbles
17. Bonding session of epic proportions takes place after several more bottles of wine are consumed
18. End up dancing, singing, hugging, laughing, crying and smoking ciggies off the balcony
19. Wake up the next morning to discover "Shit- I'm a parent helper on a schol trip in 20 minutes"
20. Arrive late to school after missing breakfast (ouch biggest mistake ever)
21. Screaming 5 year olds, school bus and singing- make my life a misery

Hell on earth I tell you...

22. Visit some very cool places like the Hare Krishna Temple made of marble in Juhu...wow
23. After 6 more stops I begin to fade.
24. Final stop is to a penthouse apartment (to show a 360 degree view of Mumbai to the kids) spread over 3 levels with a rooftop lawn and private pool. AM CONSUMED WITH ENVY
25. Realise envy is soooo not a done thing and bitterly "fake" acceptance that the apartment will never be mine when really on the inside I am turning an acidic colour of green
26. Arrive back to school nearly ready to steal one of the 5 year olds school lunch boxes as am sooo hungry.
27. Realise I agreed to meet other expat moms for lunch at gourmet store.
28. Arrive ten minutes early and eat an entire lunch without telling the other moms
29. Casually reorder a sandwhich when they arrive pretending like that's all I had eaten.
30. Barely make it through lunch discussing supermarkets and where to go for what items...can't cope feeling like I will pass out.
30. Arrive home to crash out but noooooo...

Sadly this is NOT the image I portrayed

31. Doorbell doesn't stop ringing. Am bombarded with tradespeople fitting new curtains and electricians fiddling around
32. Suddenly realise I had invited my girlfriend over to watch some rugby the next day (Sexy All Blacks to play again) and look around apartment realising how dusty it has become.
33. Understanding of situation washes over me...Housekeeper starts work in 4 days time- meaning I am the only option.
34. Break out in nervous sweat. Strip down to under garments and attack the house. Vacuming, mopping, cleaning toilets, spraying the many glass (nightmare) tables and mirrors in the apartment.
35. In my cleaning frenzy I open a door right over the top of my toes ripping off all the skin. Scream and swear like african woman in labour (images of my darling girlfriend who had a home birth and admitted to going wild outside in the wind with her hair out and naked come to mind)
36. Darling hubby rushes to convenience store for band aids. I HEART "HRH"
37. Family go out for dinner leaving the bleeding, frenzied, starving and near naked Queenie to finish what she has started. Look of worry on "HRH"s face as he closes the door.

This was my salvation

38. I lose all sense of time and place and go into a trance as I clean like never before. Sweat drips from me.
39. This must be therapeutic right? Art therapy...music therapy...housework therapy?
40. I suddenly come to...think WTF am I doing and abandon ship. Cruise liner is docking everyone. The voyage is over.
41. Crash on the sofa with a HUGE serving of Schezuan chicken and wild rice. With "HRH" rubbing my back like I'm some wounded trauma victim. And there you have it. A mumbling Queenie is coaxed into bed and a world of happiness envelops her.

Well what do you think? Absolute madness huh? I admit it. I am seriously Bonkers...Might start a collection for the "Save Queenie from herself" fund. Big hello to the new readers from Finland, Latvia, Singapore, The Phillipines, United Arab Emirates and Saudi Arabia! But let's not forget the U.S. of A, the U.K, India, Australia and N.Z for having the most readers over the past month. Thanks so much. It is as always overwhelming.

Queenie

Soooo fashion

Hahahahaa am so laughing out loud right now. I actually got my darling hubby "HRH" to all of you- to sit and watch a rerun of "FASHION" with me last night. Can you believe it? He's so funny. Not only is "Fashion" a bit of a girly themed movie about models in Mumbai and how the industry screws them up...but it was in hindi. How funny huh? Actually it's a bit sweet of him. Sitting there and actually "getting into" the movie because he knew I was! Awwwww I'm so having a fond moment for "HRH" right now. Rare I must admit (!!!!!) it's gotta be India screwing with me ;-)
Or maybe it was the delicious watermelon martini's I had at lunch today with the girls. "Sancho's" was a fab place. Had so much fun listening into all of the gossip even if I did have NO idea who anyone was. I soon will though... Trying to decipher if the lady behind us had a real "birkin" or not was also pretty funny. But the juiciest was hearing about what a lot of the expat wives get up to with their drivers...I'm not going to get any more into it- but it's freakin naughty!!!! It was a great day full of martini's, laughter and some pretty hilarious girls. You know what? Feeling kinda happy right now. Life's pretty damn good. Let's just roll with it...

Desi girl

Was getting a pedicure today and this song was playing in the background. I actually really like it and "Desi Girl" got stuck in my head all day. Then as I sat in Saltwater cafe a little later on- humming along to this song I realised that I was sitting opposite John Abraham...what a coincidence huh? All in a day in the life of the "Queen of the suburbs!" (Of course darling...) Where else but in Bandra?
By the way for those of you who DON'T know who John Abraham is...he's the guy without facial hair. The guy WITH facial hair is Absishek Bachan (Big B's son and Aishwarya Rai's hubby) of course. And the annoyingly good looking girl that they are fighting over is none other than... Priyanka Chopra. I'm getting pretty clued up on the whole Bollywood world ya know (hehehe) and it's quite a world! Some of the stories I've heard really are worthy of a film script! (And that's what happens behind closed doors.) The biggest crack up are all the clueless looking blonde and european back up dancers... they just can't move like the stars of this clip. So hilarious!
Big hello to all John Abrahams fans in the U.S.A, Canada, Qatar and Thailand. You all know who you are ;-)

Bollywood Babe

Is it the lovely Ashwariya?

Could it be Miss Kapoor?

Okay, so I can't really say who she is- but our new apartment looks right into an A list Bollywood babe's apartment with her famous BF. She is really gorgeous in person too (DAMN IT!!!!) and had the little prince's (and HRH of course!) running around in excitement flicking through the movie channels trying to find one of her movies! It didn't take long. I guarantee you only need wait 5 minutes on ANY T.V channel in India to see her lovely face. Although I must say the word on the street is that she can be a right cow... who know's if it's just the green eyed monster stirring in the gossip mongers.? I'm assuming as much. Admittedly it was much to my dismay to discover how slim she was- too bloody slim for my liking. I better get onto starting up with the yoga. I look more like I could have swallowed this starlet whole these days...exaggerated sigh. Bloody f*@# ing cheese naans. I don't ever want to see another one. EVER. One cheese naan probably equates to an hour on the treadmill. Bugger that.

Is it the gorgeous Priyanka?

Maybe Katrina Kaif?

I'm off to sulk about all this depressing news. Might just grab a chocolate truffle out of the fridge to console myself. (They're only little-before you bloody ask!)
My condolences to anyone harmed in the Karachi bombing today in Pakistan. And thank you to all the new supporters. Glad to hear you're all enjoying these posts.

 Queenie

Hookah hijinks

"Address HOME"

Our first weekend in the new apartment! So of course we had to christen the place with dinner and drinks on the friday night. Had been dying to throw back a glass or two of champers- so without another thought I sent a few text messages and had a group of good friends all lined up to celebrate. The apartment was sooo not up to scratch and looked pretty sad. So I decided to stop into "Address HOME" and "Good Earth" and pick up some pieces to help spruce things up a little. I bought a footstool, some cushions and some buddha statues for the balcony from Address HOME. The owner was really nice and helped send me in the right direction for fresh flowers in Bandra. At Good Earth I bought a gorgeous tea set, candles, silver trays and oil burners with heavenly sandalwood and gardenia oils to burn. Both stores are really fantastic and I was pretty pleased to finally put our stamp on the apartment.

"Good Earth"

The nicest thing was filling the apartment with fresh white lillies, roses and orchids for our dinner party. I instantly felt better surrounded by all the flowers and everyone commented on how lovely everything looked. Our friends brought beautiful french white wine and champagne and the sound system finally got working so it was a fun night. Luckily we invited the neighbours so no worries about the noise either- thank God! Some of the other neighbours bought down their hookah pipe...most divine porcelain piece they had bought in Istanbul. That proved a bit of a novelty to all the expats who coughed and spluttered around the place...it was a good laugh if not anything else! Utter madness I tell you.

Hookah pipe madness with the neighbours

The apartment really did look stunning with candles flickering everywhere and fresh flowers in every room. The balcony still needs some potted palms and plants to give it that lush/ tropical feel and an outdoor lounge set- but you can't have everything all at once. Just need to take time to work out how we can best make use of our space. Might start looking around for a garden store next week. Our unofficial christening of the apartment was a really low key- fun night and I know the first of many evenings we'll have out on our lovely balcony. Who ever you are up there looking down us...thanks a bunch. Definetly feeling pretty blessed right now. (What's with all the religious talk Queenie? I'm scaring myself...and probably half of you out there!)

So tomorrow brings a new week and with it a few things I'm looking forward to:

1. First yoga class at "The Yoga House"

Rugby just got a whole lot more interesting

2. Dinner out with "the girls"... Aaah yes haven't filled you in on "the girls" yet have I? HILARIOUS
3. Business cards for our Indian company arrive
4. More rugby world cup games and especially another All Blacks match with all those scantily clad kiwi hotties...ooh la la
5. Trip to garden store planned to buy some potted palms, orchids etc.
6. An afternoon booked at the day spa for facial, pedicure and manicure...quite an experience in India could write a whole page about it.
7. The final episode of "The Voice"...am quite addicted

I got a date with with the devil tomorrow

8. Chance to get a fresh start at the gym and try loose those 5/6kgs of extra "bagages francais" (bloody fromage!!!)
9. Lunch at Bungalow 9 with a friend who runs a charity organisation to get myself involved

Well that's it for me...a big warm welcome to all the new readers from Ireland (Congrats on the rugby!) Bulgaria, Mauritius, Russia and Kazakhstan (Yes really!) and thanks to the new members Amanda, Izdiher and Athena especially! Good stuff everyone. Can't believe we're nearly at 5000 reads a week. Woohoo who would have thought?


Queenie

Let's get zen at "THE YOGA HOUSE"

How cute is "The Yoga House" everyone?

Okay- so I have discovered the most divine yoga spot in Bandra West and am seriously excited about getting started. The place is called "The Yoga House" and was opened by a lovely french lady and er Indian partner a short time ago. She found a run down old colonial bungalow and has spruced it up to create the most gorgeous zen zone. It's pretty small but has a breezy laid back atmosphere with an amazing little cafe that serves (wait for it-GOOD COFFEE and) a wonderful macrobiotic menu. The banana porridge and mozarella filled hashbrowns are simply superb. I would have to say it is up there as my favourite breakfat spot in Bandra! The beautiful venetian chandelier, glass windows and stained glass door handles have a distinct french country feel which teamed with the sea breeze- make for a very nice spot to relax.

The Yoga House cafe

Are you for real Deepika?

They run all types of yoga classes and even kids yoga too on the weekend so it is seriously a pretty great place. I'm thinking of booking in to do a class with Deepika Mehta a Mumbai yogini who seems to be very well known in the Bollywood circles. She's pretty damn hot...so "I'll have what she's having thanks." Here's hoping she can work some magic on these orange peel thighs huh? Surely she can? I hear she's the best! Am pretty thrilled. Wash board abs here I come...maybe I might go all spiritual on it too. Hmmm, that reminds me -what am I going to wear? This pseudo gypsy style existence- living out of a suitcase crap is becoming tedious. I wish our bloody possessions would arrive in India. How I've survived without my beloved shoes- I don't know? If you had of asked me several months ago if I could have done 6 weeks without all my shoes I probably would have laughed in your face. But today...things seem a little different. Mumbai seems to be changing me. I can feel it ever so slightly...creeping up on me. Bloody terrifying. Enough about that- I'm trying to channel Deepika Mehta sexiness right now. Just going to say it again...damn. Hot.
Big yoohoo to everyone from Malaysia, Bangladesh, Poland, Dubai and Switzerland. And thank's for joining the site Athena! Good stuff!

Bloody Mary

 I have sinned and will probably sin again...

Today on the way home I drove past Mount Mary's basilica in Pali Hill...it's really a gorgeous building- but do you know how terrible this is to admit? Driving past didn't conjure up any holy thoughts of religious icons or anything- oh no, not in Queenie's debauched world. Do you know what I thought of? How I would love to get home, put my feet up, crank up some good sounds and sip on an ice cold rather spicey "Bloody Mary"...yes shocking. I know... it's pretty shameful. But I'll still be having a top up (for the love of God) darlings. Let's just hope Mother Mary would approve too. Stuff it...
Big howdy to you all from Ireland, Israel and Sth Africa too!

Home sweet home

We have a home. At long last! Part of me still can't believe I now call Mumbai home. How the hell did that happen? Well in any case, it feels damn gooood...Over 350 metres squared of marble floored living and a huge balcony complete with the teensiest little private garden for our furry friends Boris and Sammy. The little garden has a few palms, various other plants and even grass! Yes that's right grass. Our main balcony is at least 12 metres in length and has a gorgeous feature wall with a running waterfall at one end...(imperative for drowning out the traffic I hear!) Four bedrooms, 5 bathrooms, seperate kitchen and dining areas and a gorgeous all important air conditioned dressing room (for stressful wardrobe decision making!!) I definetly feel very blessed right now. There's a fab private gym/sauna downstairs and even a games room with a pool table for the guys. I feel very lucky. Considering how many people share one bed in India. I appreciate the apartment I am lucky enough to call home.

Our building secretary who lives above- is so sweet and invited us over for lunch on sunday. We ended up watching a movie in his cinema room after chowing down another huge banquet. We all had a good laugh at the latest episode of "India's got talent" and ended up staying till early evening! His wife is taking me out to show me a few local places to buy household appliances etc today. I'm once again blown away by the generosity and welcoming nature of everyone in Mumbai. Another day -another invitation for a meal at someone's place...I love this culture. Honestly. I feel so safe and at home already. Everyone wants to help out or show you around or invite you over for dinner and drinks. It's pretty phenomenal.
And here's another thing. Service...it's just out of control. EVERYTHING is delivered or deliverable. Yesterday I went and did some groceries and as I walked into the store the man behind the counter said "Good morning my name is Deepak". I introduced myself saying I had just moved to Bandra and could he possibly deliver to....he stopped me short and said "yes I know where you live" and then told me my apartment number. He said he delivers to everyone in my building and saw that I was the newest face in town so I must have been the new apartment owners. I was gob smacked. How observant. And of course it was delivered to my home an hour later. My fruit and vegetables were delivered. I stopped at the hardware store to buy some brooms, mops and buckets etc. All delivered. Last night back at the apartmnt I realised I had forgotten cheese, cherry tomatoes and "HRH" fancied some mango ice cream for dessert. I rang my little grocer store and I kid you not- within 5 minutes from hanging up the phone there was a call from the lobby to ask if the delivery man could come up. Five minutes I tell you! Absolutely incredible...no driving off to the corner store to discover that it shut at 8pm- in Mumbai. Everything is open till 10pm. Every day of the week.
Everyone in Bandra and Pali Hill knows each other and who you are. Someone is always so and so's cousin, aunt or doctor here! No wonder the crime levels are so low and you feel so safe. Every morning- everyone asks how we are settling in. When you go to the pharmacy they ask how your sore throat was from your visit 2 days earlier. As you walk in to buy your groceries you hear "Good morning Queenie how are things? How are the children?" For a city of over 25 million people how come I feel like I live in a small country village where everybody knows my name? How come I don't feel lost or alone like you can in other huge mega cities around the world? Because this place has a REAL sense of community. Community...wow I'm beginning to like that word.
Another pleasant discovery is that there's no need to carry cash around all the time - you can always just pay another time. And if you mention needing to pop in again to repay what you owe the shopkeppers just wave you off and smile. Huh? People trust each other here? I'm just not used to it as an unknown new comer. Sad to say. I mean sure once you've lived somewhere for years and have a relationship with retailers of course I would expect such trust. But right from the get go? It's very inclusive. So- if you ask me whether I am adjusting and feeling at home here In Mumbai... I spose I will say: "Abso-fricken-lutely my friends." You can't begin to imagine how so.
Now I'm off for a morning walk with "HRH" and then for eggs benedict at our local cafe for breakfast. Hope you all have a good one. A big warm welcome to you all from Mexico (how are the taco's?) From Fiji (Bula my friends), Denmark and Switzerland.

Queenie the queen of the suburbs coming to you live from Bandra Mumbai. Woohoo!!!